freda+anderson

"A poem is never finished, only abandoned." -Paul Valery


 * __Ghazal__**

“My how your young thoughts have grown!” My mind is tired. “The systematic lies that you’ve overthrown!” My mind is tired.

The things I’ve seen and heard, imprinted in my skull. Can’t I go back to what once was known? My mind is tired.

Stupid and happy, floating through the day, what happened to that? The pain of others, a weeping mother, the never-ending moan. MY MIND IS TIRED!

They say what you don’t know can’t hurt you, they say, ignorance is bliss and I agree And you can call me a coward but I hate this pain and suffering. Just leave me alone. My mind is tired.

But if I was to go back now…. If I tried to ignore what I know, and never say a word… I could never forgive myself for it. I’d rip open the stitches in my mouth that I’d sewn. My mind is tired.

The blood would pour from my lips and fill my mouth. I’d gargle and spit, try not to choke, let the blood drip, drip down my jawbone. My mind is tired.

Sometimes when I watch the news I envy death blind mutes. I can’t stand to look down at another gravestone. My mind is tired.

I feel like a little kid watching a horror movie, scared to death but I can’t help but peep through the cracks of my fingers. What’s happening? Want to erase all that I’ve been shown. My mind is tired.

Seems like I’m always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like somehow it’s always the bad news my brain is prone. My mind is tired.

This is Freda Anderson, checking in her mind at the front desk, 16 years warped and poisoned. “Child you got a long way to go before we’ll take that back.” It’s a brain, you don’t just disown. My mind is tired.

__**Sonnet**__

Smell the remorseless odor, toxic death Addicted, feeling gone, undone, redone “London bridges falling down” crystal meth Conflicted, mad, sedated, sad, alone Confused, refused, infused, diffused, abused Mistaken, hurt, misshapen. Concentrate. Undying flame, contracted painless fused Swelling rebellion, rain, onslaught, inflate Compatibility obsession sleep Unbleedable unbelievable blood Inside injuries, feeling nothing. Creep. Contradicting uncorrelating. Crud. Hierocracy, democracy? Meaning? Ending sonnet nonsensical. Spewing.


 * __An Ode To Mr. Monaghan__**

Tall, dirty blond Smoke stained teeth Yet a smile so genuine It makes you shameful. How many times have you forced a smile? Uncountable. Never ending. Lies. Listen to his full long laugh, Comes from somewhere deep and reserved. There’s only one laugh for Mr. Monaghan His. He couldn’t fake it if you paid him to Me? I have 100 laughs. One for each occasion One to ease the pain One to hide my shame One to change the topic And one to calm the cynic

Mr. Monaghan will tell you when you’re wrong And he wont sugar coat a word He won’t beat around the bush And you’ll come crashing down He won’t hold out his hand He won’t tell you it’s ok Mr. Monaghan never lies But he’ll tell you up from down It forces you to learn to swim But he would never let you drown

Mr. Monaghan will sit across from you He’ll yell at you without ever really yelling His tone will never change He won’t swear or call you names No, he wont lay a hand on you But somehow It hurts more then any beating you’ve ever had The pain will sit with you You’ll say sorry He’ll tell you to apologize to yourself And you do

You can call him at 2:00 AM. Tell him you’re afraid to go to bed He won’t tell you it’s not real, that it’s all in your head Mr. Monaghan won’t tell you things that you already know And as you cry he wont say anything But somehow you know he clings to every word He won’t mention the time Or the fact that he was sleeping And if you ask him to he’ll drive over He’ll fall asleep by your bedside And you’ll wake up to find him snoring on the floor

Mr. Monaghan People often ask me who he is… And to be honest, I don’t know… He’s not my farther… He’s not my friend… He’s just my Dan… Dan Monaghan